Here we are again. Another Lent. Another wilderness wandering. Another start to reflecting on the world via my very sporadic writings. It seems Lent has been the time I feel most compelled to write. Perhaps because of the introspective nature of the season. Maybe it’s just the experience of taking the United Methodist Photo-A-Day challenge and turning it into a post. All I know is here we are again and here I go again.
Day 4: Protect
I like the enneagram. Don’t come at me. It might not be something that resonates with you. I get it. Like any tool used to help us understand ourselves and others, there is a risk of using the framework to make unhelpful assumptions about ourselves and others. We might use our “type” as an excuse for our behavior. We could dismiss another because their “core beliefs” are different than ours.
For all that, I have found the enneagram useful in putting some language to my “fears” and “motivations.” Why do I do what I do? Why do I act in certain ways? How do I tend to respond and react in times of stress. What do I hope to receive from others in a relationship? What do I most often give?
If you are unfamiliar with the enneagram, I encourage you to answer a few questions and see if the type description revealed by your answers fits or not. Here’s a simple assessment you can start with. (Feel like sharing? Drop your type in the comments.) If you are interested in a print resource, I like “What’s Your Enneatype?”
Don’t like this one? Head to the library and look around or there are tons of resources you can find online. I follow several enneagurus (I made that up) on Insta and appreciate their insights into all the types.
When I have taken the assessments and read over the descriptions of the nine types, I come up as an eight. Labels used to describe eights are “challengers,” “protectors,” and “advocates.” (You can see the intro page for eights from What’s Your Enneatype? used for this post.)
Now, there are many reasons I find the description of the eight fitting, but the word protector is most compelling to me. In my childhood I was taught/learned I needed to protect myself from the world generally, but from certain people specifically. What’s more, I developed a sense of responsibility to protect those I felt needed protecting.
My favorite stories almost all feature an antagonist who takes advantage of others or threatens harm to loved ones or who abuses power to crush those with less power and who is met by a protagonist who rises in response to the danger, the bully, the tyrant. Lord of the Rings. Star Wars. Braveheart. The Princess Bride. These protectors do not go looking for trouble or to start the fights, but when it becomes necessary to do so, they “stand in the gap.“
Here is the thing. My desire to control situations (so as not to be hurt) and my fierce desire to protect (myself and others) will at some point fall short. I can’t be everywhere all at once. I can’t stop every bad thing from happening. I do not have unlimited resources and inexhaustible strength. In other words, my ability to protect is insufficient to the task. This is the truth I can find in the wilderness of Lent.
When I surrender (something within my power to control) my desire to serve as sole protector of myself and those I care about, I am set free to accept God’s love in a wholly and holy satisfying way. What I most desire is not achieved but gifted. What I want more than anything is not earned but graced. What I will continually fail to do is done on my behalf.
“Jump from the roof of the Temple,” the devil whispers to Jesus during his temptation in the wilderness. “Let’s see if God will protect you.”
Jesus’ response is so beautiful. “Don’t test God.” Not because God can’t handle our questions or our fears or our doubts, but because God knows who we are and what we need. More, God provides for these needs. For me that is knowing and feeling protected. That those I love are also protected. That even the ones I don’t like are protected.
This is the nature of God’s love in my life. When others let me down. When those who should have protected me didn’t. When the antagonists appeared, God protected me.
During this season, I do some of the hard work of recognizing my desire to protect so I can surrender that responsibility to the One whose protection is infinitely greater than anything I could dream or imagine. I do not need to test God’s faithfulness. Evidence of God’s love is all around me. I am protected. I am loved. And, friend, so are you.
Life is better together,
Shawn
Big Rubber Band Ball 