MORE THAN CRUMBS

I’ve been grumpy lately. Not bite-everyone’s-head-off grumpy, but irritated…short-tempered…sad…grumpy.

Now, I’m prone to sarcasm and can lean into cynicism, but mostly I think of myself as a generally optimistic, positive, joyful guy. Grumpy is not my default.

But lately it feels like I’ve been grumpy more than not. And that’s got me wondering what’s up?

During my first job at a music store, we received a sample for a new band, School of Fish. Their “hit” was “Three Strange Days.” From the opening guitar, I loved it. The decades since that first listen, a particular lyric surfaces from time to time.

“I think I lost myself, when I lost my motivation. Now, I’m walking ‘round this city, just waiting to come to.”

Am I grumpy because I’ve lost my motivation? Am I just wandering through my days, waiting for some moment of clarity where it will all make sense? Is my grumpiness a byproduct of becoming disconnected from what gives me joy and where my purpose is found?

A recent online promotion for Patrick Lencioni’s Working Genius reminded me that when we aren’t spending most of our energy in our geniuses, we will struggle. One might even become grumpy.

[As an aside, if you aren’t familiar with Lencioni or his work, stop here and fall down the rabbit hole. Books. Assessments. Podcats. Videos. Dive in. You’ll thank me later.]

And there it is. I’ve actually been using the word frustrated (frustrations are the work we do that drains our energy) to describe how I’ve been feeling lately. Could it be that simple? I don’t need another vacation. I don’t require more training. As important as they are, this is not about getting better sleep or eating a better diet. The bottom line may be as simple as I’m not doing the kind of work that brings me joy. I’m not living out of my geniuses. I’m not getting the time that brings me to life when I wonder, dream, ponder, and create.

Not most of my time anyway.

Instead, I am having to do the work that frustrates me. My lack of motivation isn’t me being bored or lazy, but is the predictable result of what happens when any of us spend a majority of our time doing the things that drain us.

What I love about being reminded of this is I can make different choices. I can move toward doing more of what brings me excitement, joy, and energy.

That’s why we’re here today. This blog was started in part as a creative expression; a space where I could wonder and dream and think about things. It has fallen by the wayside with only spurts of activity because I’ve actually been in this pattern of working in competencies and frustrations (seriously listen to the podcasts or read the book) for longer than I realized, with occasional bursts of creativity.

I’ve been surviving on crumbs of my genius and that is no way to live.

If you find yourself in a similar spot, perhaps you can do what I’m attempting. I’ve scheduled a weekly “Wonder Hour.” I’m building in intentional time to bring my geniuses to the forefront.

I might blog, or sketch, or take a walk and notice the world. I might find a whiteboard and scribble some ideas that seem to come when the dry erase scented juices get flowing. I may just sit by some water and watch how the light reflects or how the leaves dance or how the clouds sneak past. The point is not so much a prescribed activity, but to protect time and space to wonder and invent. Those are my geniuses. They are where my joy gets expressed. They are the natural parts of me that can be suppressed, but when they are for too long…grumpy.

We need more than crumbs. I’m coming to the idea that if we want more, we have a role in getting more. Right now that means a block of time on my weekly calendar. It will blossom into more as I go along.

So, if you’re grumpy, I say, eat up! We aren’t made to survive on crumbs of what brings us to life. Because truly, the world has enough grumps already. We need more geniuses.

Life is better together,
Shawn